oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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