it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Randomize
