is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
