You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
