Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Randomize
