I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
