It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
