Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
