I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
