She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
