Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
