Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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