Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
