We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
