I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I don't deserve a penis
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
