you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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