I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
