Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
