I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
