Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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