I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
