Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
