everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
