was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Randomize
