And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
