"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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