Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
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