I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
