it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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