there's paper in my vomit.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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