Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
