The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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