We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
sarcasm needs its own font
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
