my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
