hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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