dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
