You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
