exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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