ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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