why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Randomize
