I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Too much gin, very little bucket
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
