Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
