btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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