my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
