Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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