my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
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