Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
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