Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
As shirtless as possible
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
