those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
