Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
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