There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
