we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
