I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
