god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
