you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
